


Wish

by changcutie



Series: drabblingthewritersblockaway [4]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Canon Compliant, Drabble, Established Relationship, Idols, Im Changkyun | I.M-centric, M/M, Non AU, Wish, Worries, changki, changki rise, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-24
Updated: 2019-08-24
Packaged: 2020-09-25 09:37:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20374633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/changcutie/pseuds/changcutie
Summary: Wishing.Changkyun was always wishing. It seemed that all of his life had been comprised of constant wishing.





	Wish

**Author's Note:**

> Rushed and unbeta'd enjoy

Wishing.

Changkyun was always wishing. It seemed that all of his life had been comprised of constant wishing.

When he was a little boy, he wished for permanence. He wished he had a place to call home, friends he could tell silly things to and laugh about every single bit of the torture and joy that came with growing up. Instead, he was whisked around from place to place, eventually got homeschooled and the little friendship he made, insignificant and fleeting.

He used to wish things were different but as he grew older, he no longer minded as much as he did before.

He still had no home but home didn't come from an unfeeling house but a family that provided warmth and comfort. He had no friends but his bond with his parents were strong and true. For him, that was enough. His parents always tried hard for him and he loved them for that.

When Changkyun was five, he was enamored by the beauty of science. He loved how science could explain all the questions that came into his head. He was always curious, always thinking. His thirst for knowledge was almost unquenchable. There was always something new, something to discover and this very curiosity had him wanting to become a scientist like his father.

But as Changkyun moved from place to place and school to school, he found it difficult to connect with other kids and he grew isolated. Science was no longer enough to make him happy and even contributed to his isolation. The kids found him too weird and pushed him away. It was devastating. Changkyun was an unhappy boy; lost and alone until he stumbled upon a mixtape created by an underground rapper.

Everything changed after that and all of a sudden, music became the center of his world.

Fifteen year old Changkyun had wished then to share his music to the world. He wanted every rhythm and rhyme he made reach to people like how it did for him.

He became an idol trainee, working hard for months. His parents were hesistant but supported him wholeheartedly. It was torturous months of vocal training and dance practice. There had been times he wanted to give up but he pushed through the exhaustion and the homesickness and continued to practice.

But when he finally made it, it all came crashing down. Nubility disbanded and he was left with nothing.

He wished it wasn't the end.

.Mercy came and he took the opportunity. It was harsh. He became the most hated trainee and was accused of cheating. Suddenly, he was isolated once more. The competition was exhausting and it seemed like no matter what he did, he was always being criticized. He threw himself into practice and when he was too exhausted to even move he’d look up into the ceiling of the practice room and wished.

He wished he could debut again.

The final members were called and only two spots were left. He thought, “Ah, this must be it. I’m not gonna make it.” But then they were calling his name and he couldn’t think. He felt dazed. Everything felt so surreal. He walked forwards, head turned towards the floor just trying to let everything sink in. His eyes were heavy with unshed tears.

He had made it.

With all the wishing he had done, Changkyun thought he would have exhausted all will to wish. But yet here he was, staring at the man he loved and wishing just as hard, if not even more, for his wish to come true.

Changkyun wished they could be _free_.

He wanted to hold hands and kiss whenever. He wanted to go out and go on proper dates, walk around with no care in the world. It was something they could never do because of who they were; idols. It was taboo to even think of dating but it was even more of a risk to be gay and dating. He despised the hiding and all the deceit that came with it. He hated the distance. Not when all he wanted was to _feel_, to touch, to hold and to show.

And so he wished.

  
  
  
  


"You're thinking." Kihyun murmured, poking at his cheek. Changkyun blinked, turning towards him. He hadn't even noticed him approaching.

"It's nothing." he reassured, relaxing back on the couch and opening his arms. Kihyun took the invite and snuggled against him. He thought that would be the end of it but he should've known with the older boy, nothing would be as simple as that.

“Tell me what it’s about.” Changkyun sighed and smiled at him fondly. “Nothing ever gets past you huh?” Kihyun shrugged. “You think too much and you always get this little wrinkle right here,” he paused and touched the space between Changkyun’s brows. “in your forehead whenever you’re overthinking.”

Changkyun grimaced. “I hate that you know me so well. I can’t even hide things from you.” Kihyun laughed, the little cat whisker on his cheek appearing. Changkyun watched it in fascination, reaching out to caress it. Kihyun’s laughter dissolved into little giggles, quieting the longer the time passed until only a smile has settled on his face.

Changkyun continued caressing Kihyun’s face only this time he had moved to touching the entirety of his cheek. “You’re so beautiful.” he said all of a sudden. Kihyun smirked. “I know.” Changkyun groaned and rolled his eyes. “I forgot I shouldn’t be feeding your ego too much. You get so cocky about it.”

Kihyun laughed again. “It’s not my fault I’m just too good looking.” he declared smugly. “See, this is what I’m talking about.” Changkyun complained, nudging at Kihyun. Kihyun retaliated by pinching his cheeks. Changkyun refused to back down and for the next few minutes, they wrestled at each other, the mood light and happy. After they have managed to calm down, Kihyun turned to him, face serious.

“Okay don’t think I’ve forgotten all about you and your broodiness. You still have things to tell me mister.” Changkyun sighed. “Damn, I thought I was safe from the interrogation. I was wrong.” Kihyun rolled his eyes and poked his side. “We agreed to tell things each other remember? This is important.”

“Ugh, fine.” Changkyun pouted in defeat. Kihyun rolled his eyes again but leaned in to kiss the pout away. “You’re such a baby.” he whispered, kissing him again. Changkyun simply smiled, happy to get kisses. Kihyun planted one last kiss on his nose before he pulled back from him. “Okay now you really have to tell me what’s been bothering you.”

Changkyun sighed and shrugged. “I guess I’ve just been thinking about us.” Kihyun raised a brow. “Us?” he said. “What about us?” Changkyun shrugged again, dropping eye contact to stare at Kihyun’s shirt. Kihyun frowned but kept silent, waiting for the younger boy to elaborate. “I guess I’ve been thinking about how I just want to be more… more open about us I guess? I just hate hiding. It’s so-” Changkyun paused, trying to find the right word to express himself. “So suffocating? I just feel so suffocated. I want to stop hiding. I just want us to be us. But it’s so hard. There’s too much on the line and I just feel like it’s so unfair. For us, for you. Especially for you. I feel like you deserve so much more than this.”

Kihyun sat up and stared at him. “I understand where you’re coming from Changkyun, I really do. I also want to stop hiding but don’t even think for a moment that I’m better off with something else. I’m happy with what we have.” Changkyun avoided his gaze, brows furrowed and Kihyun sighed, forcing his boyfriend to look at him. “Hey, I really mean it okay? It may not be perfect but what we have is pretty damn amazing. I’m really happy to have you as my boyfriend.”

Changkyun stared at him, eyes a little watery. Kihyun smiled at the sight. Changkyun had always been a bit of a crybaby. He held Changkyun’s face in his hands and leaned in to kiss him on the lips. “One day we can be us but for now, this is enough.”

“You’re enough.” 

Changkyun wished for a lot of things but in that moment, he knew he couldn’t wish for anything better than this.

_I love you._

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I came back to post some changki again. It's been a while and this fic is so short but I just needed a _soft_ push back to writing again :") I hope this wasn't too bad. I just needed to get this out before I either burned out or trashed this fic.
> 
> My socials are over here: ---> [ click me! ](https://linktr.ee/ninadrawthings) <--- check them out or whatever :")


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